Appearances and transparency: Appearance evokes an illusory optical effect, which does not reflect the reality of what one looks, as popular proverbs ho confirm this aspect against nature. Are not we saying: be careful of appearances? And that the dress doesn't make the friar? You must don't rely to the well decorated frontages of the houses that do not have anything to do with the interior? Yourselves you were in one way or other victims of the misleading appearance of a man or of a woman who had inspired confidence to you but which had disappointed you. As long as they are momentary relations you can re-examine your contact with this person. But unfortunately what is frequent is that being engaged in durable relations by contract, to release himself from a person who had misled you by her appearance become problematic. Let us illustrate this case of figure: A man and the woman who commit themselves by the Marriage sharing their life for always, for best and worst? what would become their life of couple if it had been based on misleading appearances at the time of the first meetings, or during engagement, each one wanting to charm and conquer the other, by showing the good sides of his character or his intellectual and material potentialities. Is not said that the cord of the lie is short? Then you can imagine the infernal life of this couple and sharpen your imagination to simulate a possible end with this relation based on hypocrisy and the lie. You do not exaggerate of anything if you give for this purpose a tragic outcome because of the hatred which is anchored gradually between the two partners. You have also to imagine the scenes of adultery and their dramatic consequences being able to go until the murder. We can give hundreds of examples which show the distressing misdeeds of misleading appearance. Swindles in the real, commercial businesses or in the political world which in theory was to be the incarnation even of ethics, but alas, it is not the case.
The manner testifies some of managing the public affairs.
Then, you would say to me, are transparent and show in our natural state, without make-up or artificial ornament. I grant it to you, but it is not an obvious behavior and of any rest. There too it is said that the truth wounds, and that reality upsets, and that the authenticity is refuted. Here are some illustrations: Present to wonder the marriage a girl in your natural and simple state. You quite simply will be thanked with dignity if you have the chance. It would be a miracle if one accepts your request considering your sincerity and your frankness. Let us imagine the managers of the just, honest and transparent public affairs in work. Utopia would say to me. That is to say. But always let us dream for an incorruptible administration, institutions executive, legislative or legal honest and citizen, this step there the bases of the Platonic company?
Always let us dream. Who knows?
The generations that a form currently in their learning the universal values morals and ethics, can be once responsible for the destiny of their nations will become more transparent than their elder.
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MUST READ!!
am sorry, I can’t say those words.
They are too difficult for my ego.
A cold fog rolls in and makes things invisible. Still, the pain solstice of her face tears apart the fog, and my heart too. It’s her pain, but is getting into my bones. I can see her swollen foot. I hurt her. I injured her foot so that she wouldn’t leave me; wouldn’t walk away from me. I successfully failed. She is staying, at least for tonight. Not because she wants to but because she is too hurt to go away, too much in pain to walk out on me. I am sitting close to her, right in front of her and on my knees. I am so close that I can feel the complains of her eyes hitting my heart.
We are so close, right in front of each other that I can touch her with my eyes but there is that smoky-grey mist that sets us apart. That mist of mistakes, hesitance and negligence drops sharp and flat between her and I. Silence has fallen between us like a wall. She, who once brightened up my life with her laughter and whose words filled my heart with serenity, is silent like a cold winter night. I want her to talk, I want her to tell me how much she is hurt, I want her to tell me how much she hates me. But even if she does, I can’t unbreak her heart, I can’t bring back time, I can’t bring back her voice. She is sitting right in front of me and I am missing her.
It was raining the day I first saw her. I was coming back from my office, strolling leisurely amidst the briskly walking people. After days of prayers, the rain had finally come and they were running away from it. Strange people, running away from the answer of their prayers. I was about to fall into my thoughts when a bucket of light, color and fragrance wavered in front of my eyes. She appeared like a rainbow in the middle of the rainfall; strolling and not walking briskly. She was enjoying rain just like I was.
She came closer to me and so did the feeling of losing such a girl. I didn’t want to lose her, though for no obvious reason at that time, but I wanted to know her. That’s why I stood right in front of her when she approached me. She hesitantly looked at me and lost the sequence of her footsteps. Rain drops were falling from her hair onto her face like wind scattering dewdrops on the face of a flower. Those moonlit eyes had dreams sleeping in them and I don’t know why but I wanted to wake them up. She stood there fro a fraction of a second when I, looking at her wet face, uttered with all my heart, “ Thank you!”.
Surprise struck her eyes and confusion occupied her expressions. She looked at me astonishingly and shrugged her shoulders like asking, “Thank you for what?” Still occupying her face with my eyes, I replied to her unasked question, “Thank you for letting me know why they call full moon beautiful.”
At that moment I saw those dreams sneaking through the casement of her eyes. She had something special in them, I knew it somehow. She blinked her eyes and the dreams fell back. That confusion was still on her face when she started to walk on, speechless on what I had just said. She passed me by and I felt like I was about to lose a prayer of mine. She had taken a few steps when I said, “ I see your dreams.” She stopped and turned around, I turned around too and said again, “ I see dreams in your eyes.”
“What makes you think I have dreams in my eyes?” This was the first thing she ever said to me, and her voice faded the rainfall.
“Not everyone strolls in the rain like you were.” I said.
She smiled and walked away. The next day I waited for her at the same place, at the same time. I knew she was coming; I knew she wanted to come. And she did. I was standing beside a lamp post, staring at the one end of the road when a soft voice jumped over my shoulder.
“So tell me about my dreams.”
I turned around and there she was. I knew she would come. I occupied her face again with my eyes and said, “ Its your dreams, you should be telling me about them.”
“But why should I tell you, you started it.”
“Yeah, but you are gonna finish it, by telling me about them.”
“Don’t bet on it.”
“But I am.”
She chuckled and said, “Is that what you do to every girl you see?”
“I would, if every girl strolled in the rain like you did.”
“Is it that important to you?”
“No, but it’s different.”
“And you think I am different?”
“Yes.”
“What if you find someone else strolling in the rain like I was?”
“I just needed to find the first one”, I smiled.
She smiled too, “You have an answer to every question, don’t you?”
“Just like you have a question to every answer.”
And she laughed, even her laughter was melodious. She was wearing a white dress and looked gorgeous in it. Her hair neatly pressed, her continuously wavering ear-rings and those bangles on her round wrists. Every time she moved her arm, her bangles, even though there were just six of them, would start singing and I loved it.
We started walking down the road and kept on talking. She was all the questions and I was all the answers. She just wanted to confirm if I really meant what I said to her the last day. I knew the truth, the truth that I was falling into her, so I didn’t have to lie.
We reached the end of the side walk when she stopped and said, “I gotta go now.”
“Ok, but you haven’t told me about your dreams yet.”
This time she occupied my face with her eyes and said, “I wont tell you my dreams so soon.”
“Ok then, when are you gonna tell me?”
“You’ll have to wait,” she said with a smile and started walking away.
“How long?”
while still walking, she turned back with that smile still dancing on her lips, and said mischievously, “Loooong!!!”
I remained silent.
She stopped, turned and said with a hope in her voice, “Can you wait for long?”
I gave her a confident smile and said, “You bet.”
Relieved, she said, “I know.”
And that’s how it all started, with a strange and unusual meeting. Then we met again and again and again, but she never told me about her dreams. I was still waiting.
One day I asked her to come over, with the intention that I would convince her that it’s long enough now and that I wanted to know her dreams. But it happened the other way round.
We were sitting on a bench under a tree, near a pond. A soft wind was blowing across, scattering the dried yellow leaves all over the place. The sun was fighting the clouds and could only succeed in sending some dusty sunshine to us. We sat there silently for a while. I was trying to arrange my thoughts and was about to convert them into words, when she spread her voice in the wind, “Where are we going?”
Perplexed, I could only utter, “What?”
“You and I, where are we heading to?”
I looked at her innocent face and I knew what she meant.
“What do I mean to you?” she asked so softly yet it almost blew me away.
“What?”
“What do I mean to you? Am I just another girl?”
And I burst into laughter. She was so simple. When I looked at her, I saw tears roaming her eyes and before they could stroll out, I put my hand at the back of her hand and pulled it towards me. Touching her forehead with mine, looking at my reflection in the tears of her eyes, I whispered my heart to hers, “I am in love with you, idiot.”
And she laughed with all her heart, spreading a warm fragrant breath all over my face and letting those tears stroll all over her cheeks. Pressing her trembling lips with her teeth, she pulled her face back a little and looked at me. She was looking for the truth of my words on my face and she found it. Satisfied, she put her forehead again on mine, and we stayed there in silence.
After a while, I grabbed her from her shoulders and made her sit comfortably on the bench. I sat down on the ground, right in front of her. I took her hands into mine and put my hands on her knees. I looked at her. Wind was wavering her hair. She was looking at me with her wet eyes. Dry yellow leaves were flying in the wind and dusty sunrays were fading away.
I got on my knees and started whispering my heart to her.
“I am an ordinary guy, just an ok once. Nothing special. What makes me special is that I love you. I love you like a kid. Like a kid who doesn’t want to share his toys with anyone else, I wouldn’t share your dreams with anyone. Like a kid who keeps his candies in his pocket, I’ll keep you in my heart.
I don’t love you for your face, but for what you are. Its your face that I recognize my love with and that’s all. Its not the face, but the girl behind that face that I love. Its not your lips but that smile on your lips, its not you eyes but those dreams in your eyes, its not your name but that feeling that you bring with it.
I want you. I want you in my life, in every moment that I spend of it. I want to see you falling asleep. I want to hear you breath while you sleep. And I want to see your face first thing in the morning even before I see sunlight.
Will you marry me? Will you be there with me through thick and thin? Will you stay beside me when I am on my way to my destiny? Will you be my destiny? Will you just take me for not what I am, but for all the love that I have for you? Will you marry me?”
During all this, we never took our eyes off of each other. She knew I meant it, every word of it. I was looking for my answer on her face. She politely took her hand out of mine, leaned forward and ploughing her fingers into my head, uncombed all my hair. Then she brought her face near my face and whispered into my ear, “I’ll fix them when I get into your life.”
With a joyous smile, she stood up and started walking away.
I, confused but with all the hope in the world, said, “Is that a yes?”
While still walking, she turned around and said, “Of course it’s a yes, idiot.” She walked on and I fell on the ground.
In a few weeks time, she stepped into my life and lit it up. She brightened up everything. She smiled and laughed and made me laugh. She moved around all over my life and swung the whole world with it. I knew spring was coming early that year.
But it wasn’t so. It didn’t last for long. Spring never came. Autumn started early because I changed. Real life and real life changed me. In a few months time, I lost my love somewhere. I don’t remember if I still loved her during all those days, as much as I used to. My work, my job made me forget my heart. All I remember that she was a responsibility. She was a duty, no more no less. I was to make sure that she lives in comfort and luxury and I provided her with all that.
“Whats wrong?” one day she asked.
“What?”
“Whats wrong between you and I?”
“What you mean, there is nothing wrong.”
“Then where is the guy who proposed me, who married me, where does he live?”
“Look there is nothing wrong, I am here, a little tired though. Just….go to sleep.”
“Will you see me go to sleep?”
“I gotta take care of some files, just go to sleep.”
And our conversations kept on ending like that.
She never complained though. She was still waiting for me I guess. But I wasn’t coming back. I took her existence for granted. I knew she would be there whenever I come back and that’s all I wanted to know. I didn’t expect her to get tired, I didn’t want her to. In my book, I kept her as a chapter that I already read. There wasn’t anything there I didn’t know. I didn’t want to read it again.
I was getting harsh on her, at least my words were. I wasn’t polite to her anymore. I never thanked her for the favors she gave me, I never said sorry to her and I never said please. I always kept our conversations short.
“Where are we going?” she tried to rattle some memories one day.
“We are not going any where, its time to stay.”
“But that’s not that you said once before”, she asked with an innocent hope of bringing back a long gone answer.
“Quit living in the past ok.”
I was getting good at bringing silence between us.
She kept trying though, as much as she could. I thought she could try forever, I thought she wouldn’t give up on me.
“Please come back home early today” she asked me one day while I was about to leave for office.
“Why is that?”
“I…I wanna go shopping.”
“You’ve got the money; you can go and do it yourself.”
“But…I’ll….I’ll take you to dinner, what you say?”
“Hmmmm……” I was still thinking of an excuse.
“I’ll buy you a gift” she sure wanted me to be with her that evening.
“Ok, I’ll try.”
And she knew I meant no whenever I said that.
I didn’t come early that evening, I guess I deliberately stayed away. By the time I got back home she was asleep. A cake was sadly lying on the dining table, with all the candles burnt up. And that’s when I remembered that it was her birthday that day.
I never got to know when patience ran out; I ignored her so much. In my eyes, she wasn’t supposed to get tired. I required her to be fresh and alive, regardless of how stale and pale I got in my heart. But it wasn’t so. I was living in real world too much that I ignored this reality.
And today, she breaks apart. Lying on the bed, we both knew we weren’t asleep.
“I think we both need to go somewhere” she finally broke that long spell of silence.
“Where?” I asked with no emotions.
“Different directions.”
And that’s when it hit me. That’s when I realized, things were breaking apart.
“Why?” I could hardly say.
“I don’t know. You know better. You changed your path long time ago. I followed you with it. I thought I could do that but I didn’t know for how long. I cant do it anymore. May be I need to change my path as well.”
A thousand thoughts went in and out of brain but none turned into words. I wasn’t good at words anymore. I was good at silence and that’s what I did. She looked at my stone cold face for a while and then stood up. She started packing her stuff and I just kept watching her.
My emotions dried out long time ago. My face could show no feelings. My words were heart felt no more. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to stop her, I wanted her to stay but I didn’t know how to do that.
While packing her suitcase, she turned around and said, “You remember it all started with those dreams that you saw in my eyes.”
“Yes” I could only whisper.
“I still haven’t told you about my dreams, or have I?”
“No.”
“I tell you now, now that you don’t want to know. I dreamed of a guy like you and I dreamed of a life like you promised” she said without looking at me. I was silent. Then she looked at me and said, “You broke my dreams.”
I don’t know why I did that. Now that she was going, I looked at her and saw that same girl that I stopped in rain once. I saw that rainbow now that it was fading away. She is the best chapter in my book. I can read it a million times and never get tired of it. My book is incomplete without that chapter. I never felt it before and I don’t know why I feel it now.
Just a few words from my heart and she would stop. Just a few words. But they are very difficult words. Too difficult for my ego that I have developed over the time, in the real world.
She packed the suitcase. “Would you please help me move it.” I remained silent when she said again, “Would you please help me move out of your life?”
She asked without any expressions and that hurt. Now I knew how she must have felt for all that time when I was emotionless.
I moved forward and picked up the suitcase from one end and she held it from the other. I occupied her face with my eyes but she wasn’t looking at me. Then suddenly, the suitcase slipped out of my hand and she couldn’t hold on to it either. It fell on her left foot and she just stood there. She didn’t cry, not even a sigh came out of her mouth. Just a few tears strolled to the edge of her eyes, where dreams once used to live.
She sat down on the floor. I stood right in front of her. She got tired I could see that now. I made her get tired. She looked up at me with her wet eyes and yes, I could see those dreams again. I knew I could stop her. Only if I could bring back those few words, only if I could bring back myself.
I grab her from her shoulder, pick her up and make her sit on the bed. I take her hands into mine and put my hands on her knees. I look into her wet eyes and try to gather all my heart.
“I am sorry….I am sorry…Please don’t go….” I finally start hearing myself.
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